English class. somehow, i have never had a teacher who actually liked me, as my teacher for english. of course, the feelings are mutual, so it aint a big deal. unsurprisingly, i dont get along too well, even with the teacher who currently has the fortune of teaching me English. and so, it is hardly in my best interests to let her teach, and not disrupt her class.
the fact that i love to disrupt classes, and not let a teacher teach, has nothing to do with me disrupting her classes, and it is purely coincidental that i enjoyed disrupting this class.
well two days ago, on thursday, we had an english lecture, at mid-day. and, we had all lectures free up until that point. while this doesnt mean much as such, but the practical advantage is that students can sleep until 11, and then go to college. obviously i leap at such opportunities to sleep late (if i remember correctly, i was up until 3 the previous night, writing on the blog, and then writing in general). and so i woke up at a leisurely pace, got ready at a leisurely pace, and then went to college at an equally leisurely pace. and i got late by about five minutes.
and the teacher was late by 6 minutes, so i was safe.
as soon as our respected teacher got in, she told us the topic of the day, 'Formal E-mails'.
thats the moment, when i decided that i would not let her teach the class.
and so began my attempts at undermining her teaching. she started off with the format.
'at the top you right TO, CC, and BCC', she said. i let her talk. this was not the moment for an attack. as the best tacticians know, there is a time for an attack, and this was the moment to sit back, and let her set herself up for a fall.
after a five minute description for those three columns, she proceeded to the next point, the subject. thats when i knew my first point of attack.
"well children", she said, in an unnecessary patronizing tone, "for the purposes of this class, let us take our topic to be an invitation for a birthday party."
the great napolean bonaparte, once advised that we should not stop our enemies, when they are making a mistake. i wasnt going to stop her either. i let her carry on. "so kids, suggest a suitable subject."
i prepared my assault weapons, and attacked.
me- Ma'am, before we get into the subject itself, i have a doubt regarding the subject you have given us.
her- well do ask me child.
me- Ma'am, if we establish as fact that we are inviting people for a birthday, which is an informal event, why would we bother to send a formal email, instead of the more classical telephone call?
her- well suppose its your colleagues, you cant just invite them like that can you?
me- Ma'am, i think we have established that i consider it to be an informal event. considering that point, i think i'm fully capable of inviting them, by going over to their cubicle, and telling them to show up.
her- but that is unacceptable office behaviour.
me- but then perhaps we should reconsider acceptable office behaviour. because the way i see it, any person should be able to invite any other person for their birthday, in an informal manner. because a birthday is about as informal and unofficial an event as there can be.
her-well, you can try that in your own organization, once you are employed, and until then, please let the rest of the class understand normal, acceptable office behaviour.
the tone in her voice as she said, 'once you are employed', threatened in every sentence, that i would never be employed if she had her way. thankfully, she isnt likely to have her way. i mean, she is the english teacher, not the CSc dept. HOD. she cant do anything.
i paused, to let her make another mistake. she didnt disappoint.
her-so children what should an acceptable subject be?
someone from the class-Ma'am, how about-'birthday invitation'?
her-this is a good example of a bad subject. what is the purpose of the subject?
she paused for effect. then, before anyone else could come up with a plausible answer, she answered her own question.
her-a subject, is used, to let the receiver know what the mail is about, and its supposed to be something that convinces the other person, to open the mail, and read it.
her second mistake. i think i already mentioned napoleans quote.
me-Ma'am as far as those objectives are concerned, Birthday invitation is the perfect subject, because the receiver now knows that he is invited to a birthday party, and he does not know any other details, so, given human nature associated with free parties, he's very likely to open the mail to find out as much as possible.
her-child, your point's get more and more ridiculous. as far as getting marks is concerned, i shall only give marks if the subject includes the date, time, and venue, along with a mention of the fact that its a birthday party.
me-ma'am two questions. are you suggesting that the sole aim of this class, is to get marks? and also, are you then suggesting that the subject be, 'Birthday Invitation, for the 22nd of october 2010, at 4 in the evening, to be held at so and so venue'? because if that is the case, you may as well add another sentence, 'Please show up.', and avoid writing the mail altogether, which in this time of effective time management, would be saving you so much time.
her-nikd, if you plan to hold a job, then the first subject is the one you shall use, and then, you shall write a proper invitation as an email. is that clear?
for her own sakes, i'm glad she chose not to answer my first query.
me- well ma'am thats absolutely clear, and very convenient, considering the fact that holding a job, never figured into my plans.
i think i was getting to her, because she walked up to me, and in a menacing tone, she threatened me.
her- will you let me get on with the class?
me-ma'am is that a question? or...
i let the sentence hang. it was best to leave it to her imagination, which is not as good as mine admittedly, but would certainly serve the purpose.
her- no that is not a question. kindly stop the wisecracks.
see. my teachers need to rely on my kindness.
her- Also, some people have a habit of writing subjects like, 'IMPORTANT!!!', or 'URGENT!!!!!!'. these are inadvisable, because whatis important to you may not be important to the other person.
me-ma'am, this time i have a genuine query. (YA RIGHT!) as far as using a hook to capture their attention is concerned, this would be the perfect hook wouldnt it? because the receiver does not know nothing except that the sender considers this important enough to merit 5 exclamation marks. most people are likely to read the mail if this is the subject.
her-while i agree that they are very likely to read the mail, once they find out that it isnt something life threatening, they are also likely to fire you, especially if they sit on a seat above yours. does that clarify your doubt?
i nodded. i know a lost cause when i see one. if i wanted, i could have let her stay stuck on the subject for the rest of the lecture, but that way, no one would learn anything. if i let her continue, at least people would learn a valuable skill,'HOW TO WRITE AN EMAIL'. in fact, you never know, one of my classmates, might even go on to write a best selling survival guide titled- HOW TO WRITE AN E-MAIL FOR DUMMIES.
and so i let her continue.
she proceeded to carry on with the specifics of email writing, and i let her continue until she reached the salutation. by this point of time, she had come to the conclusion, that with me, and another partner in crime (let us call him john for the purposes of this post), sitting in the class, a birthday invitation was a wrong example. now, the example we were considering was of a complaint to an electronics firm, regarding a malfunctioning AC.
her- the salutation, is always supposed to be 'Dear sir', or 'dear ma'am'.
did she just say, dear sir? did i mention napolean? yes, and yes. good. proceeding.
her- after the salutation, comes the main body, which must be in an appropriate tone. here for example, you must be harsh and rude, and clear. you are the slighted customer, you have a right to protest and demand a new AC.
as she paused to take a breath, i took the opportunity to attack.
me- so are you suggesting, that i call a man 'Dear sir', and then go on and e rude to him until he feels embarrassed enough to do something about it? why call him a dear sir at all, if only i am going to go and be rude to him the next second?
her- because that is the acceptable format, andi shall not entertain any further queries regarding the format.
me- well thats alright ma'am.
i said this in an undertone, and i was hoping she hadnt heard it.
but my hopes were groundless. the next thing she said was.
Her- NIKD, you seem to be a little too cheerful today. is everything fine?
me, again in what i perceived as an undertone- well it must be the vodka from last night.
damned god, she heard that too.
as you can guess, that didnt go down well with her. the next thing i knew, she had asked me to get my ass out of the door. didnt i tell you, she hates me (and i'll let you decide if it is justified or not).
i walked out. the lecture was almost over anyway. but i think i left behind my victorious grin, to remind her that she could throw me out, but that was the best she could ever do. and that at the end of the day, she would have to rely upon throwing me out to win.
my teacher needs to rely upon underhand tricks to kick me out! HA!
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