Careers Advice

Recently, we had careers advice in college.
and guess who gives career advice? the same person who tells us how to lie in interviews. the same person who hate me in english class (only in class... outside of that we have very normal interaction!). and we had exams all the f***ing week. and after interviews, we now have careers advice with a teacher. and the advice giving (and if i may add, advice giving that we never asked for) was in the form of a one on one interview kind of thing.

so i walk into a large classroom thats empty. and the only other person in the room is my teacher.
obviously its a recipe for disaster. now before i proceed, let me mention that the exam i had just got out of was one of the most simple subjects ever invented (digital electronics) AND my exam had gone horrible anyway due to silly mistakes.
obviously i was in no mood to take something like this seriously (and not because of the exam. i wouldnt take this seriously even otherwise).
and for some reason, my teacher was in the mood to entertain my non seriousness (and unlike reverse psychology, i DO NOT get discourager. in fact i get encouraged if the teacher is willing to entertain my comments with a laugh)
and so began a lesson in career advice. before i continue, please know that i thoroughly endorse these careers, you must consider them.


Ma'am- good afternoon child. how are you?
me- i'm not so good actually if you must know. i have a bad cold, a headache, and i think what you're trying to do here is a lesson in futility.
her- what am i try to do here? give you advice for your future career? how is that futile?
 *notice the lack of things like, please take this seriously and no jokes.*
me- no you're trying to make me take something ridiculous seriously. and its an attempt at futility. why do you bother?
her- well yes that is futility indeed. but cant play along for once?
me- ok. i'll pretend to take this seriously if you can pretend to take my responses to your questions seriously.
her (with a sigh and probably a hundred mental curses regarding her decision to take this job)- very well.
so what sort of career have you thought of for the future?
me- ma'am i;ve considered quite a few actually. as you know, no one doing a comp sc engineering actually wants to bother with a job as a technician in a it firm. we all want to expand our horizons beyond anything that others can imagine. and so i have quite a few options in mind.
her- alright. lets take it from the top. what all did you have in mind?
me- ma'am, what would you say to a career that required me to keep myself in prime physical condition? and work with all sorts of latest technology and latest interpersonal weapons? (because i see a look of genuine confusion on her face) Guns ma'am. and knives, and etc.
her (not sure where this is leading)- you mean as an armyman with specializations in computers? thats a nice option.
me- am sorry ma'am you seem to have not understood me.i mean a career as an assassin and a spy for the indian secret service.

*now i dont know why i said it. i just said it coz it came to my mouth. i had a cold and thinking of anything was out of the question*

her, after a pause probably spent saying things like B******T, F*****U, W**, etc mentally- umm well dont you think thats somewhat ambitious. i mean it would be very tough to get selected you know. wouldnt you consider something a little low key with similar job ...
me, interrupting her- you mean something like a contract killer? because i am absolutely comfortable considering the career options on the other side of the law. so please dont be afraid of suggesting options like those.
her- well i was thinking of something along the lines of joining the cyber crimes department for the police. but yes you can consider this too.
me- no wait. you're right. the cyber crimes thing sounds great. can you imagine the sort of things you can do if you're on the inside of that department. you can pick any thing you want on the internet, and claim you're on that site to check it out as a part of your job. now thats COOL.

her- well no thats not what i meant but ...
me- no wait you're right you put a great suggestion ma'am. and its like any other policemans job except my jurisdiction would be the internet and the people i can bully are from all over the country and i can bully them for a lot more than a thousand ruppee note. its cool.
her- uhh... well yes you could do that. but you mentioned that you had other options in mind?
me- yes indeed ma'am. so what would you say to a job as at a movie set? you know, working for a director with their technical jobs? coz while i know absolutely nothing about that, i do think its neat. i mean you can even hit on the actresses. that nice right.

or you can tell me the scope of a singer in the future? you know like rock and roll? coz while my voice is horrible for singing, i can disguise it with loud noise.
her- well yes uhh thats nice as an option. but why are you in this college if thats what you want to do?
me- wait a second. is this about what i want to do? oh crap. i thought it was just about what i would consider as a career. coz what i want to do, is work from home.
her- well you can do that. you can work with so many companies that work via the internet.
me- so what sort of scope does it bring?
her- well the pay is good enough for professionals. and progress is purely based on the work you put in.
me- but what sort of things will i have to do?
her- well theres consultancy.
me- Nice . i've always wanted to tell people what to do. plus, i can tell them anything i want them to do, and they'll follow it as official policy! (insert drumroll of celebration). i have found the perfect job. now i only need to find people dumb enough to do that.
her- well thats not exactly what i mea....
me- no its great ma'am. really. you've done your bit for my career.
her- well not yet i havent. what other options did you have?
me- how about a job as a psychologist? coz there also i can exercise my urge to control the lives of others. after all isnt psychology another name for prying into the lives of others and tell them what to do to improve their life?

or there is another job i had in mind. have you a lot of idea of a dacoit's job? like veerappan? or gabbar singh from sholay?

her- well how owuld you use a degree in CSE for that?
me- ma'am have some ingenuity. i could use computers to hack into the transport departments of various firms, find out the means by which they transport their finished goods to delhi, and hijack the goods on the way. this way i can repeatedly attack one firm till it is broke. just imagine for a second the poor owner. he'll keep wondering which of his college ex's got so offended!

her- well yes thats nice but how about you use those same tactics for the police by tracking down law breakers?
me- but thats not cool ma'am. for that matter i could start providing e-security to firms. but its so much cooler to break the e-security provided by others, and then use the knowledge i find to enjoy!
her-NEXT.
me- well theres also a career out there for bank robbery?
her-NEXT!
me- so how about piracy? you know grabbing things that are very costly and redoing them to be cheap?

her- is your next potion kidnapping?
me- actually yes. i even have a couple of victims in mind.
her- do you have any non nefarious purposes in life?
me- of course ma'am.
her- i really think i've had enough pretense for a day you know, so can you stop joking now?
me- but ma'am you started it...
her- so now tell me seriously, what do you want to do all life?
me- it doesnt really matter as long as it pays the bill ma'am. i dont need a job to be happy ma'am. my aspirations can be fulfilled no matter the job. so why dont you just tell me what i should do.
her- have you considered public speaking?
me- politics, yes, because half my nefarious activities seem to lead to a political career if we consider the records of our MP's. at least a few of them who have a million cases against them. so yes that'd work. but again before you complain, you started the joking.
her- ok i;m finished with the amount of time i have to provide each student. so why dont we just pretend this went well? and then we can move on. so go on, you know the way out. it was productive meeting you.
me- the pleasure was all mine ma'am....





some time later-
will- so what sort of job are you gonna have?
me- the unemployment line comes in mind. you?
will- well the same comes to my mind. so wanna start some random business that pays our bills together? we could take it up from there to see where it goes?
me- yeah thats cool.


i guess that is my future career now. business man. not bad. not bad at all.